It's late. I'm up.
I'm WIDE AWAKE too.
I'm off ONE day and I'm already not making the best use of it (i,e catching up on the ever elusive sleep).
But I can't sleep.
I'm not sure if it's because I had three Coke Zeros in a span of 12 hours (Hey, I haven't had anything carbonated in months, I slipped alright), they made my food go down easier.
If it's the weather. (Summer is for doing stuff people. Summer is for staying up late.)
Or my own brain, keeping me up with all kinds of nonsense and noise.
I tried to nap earlier today, but I made the mistake of "announcing" that I was going to be out of commission for a while because I was going to be napping. (Yeah, I SMS people when I'm going to nap so as not to be disturbed)
It wasn't even ten minutes (and two minutes into that lulling into sandmanland phase), when someone decided to look for a book in my room and had to do so by just storming in and turning the lights on.
A book?!
Who reads on the fourth of July?
You might be saying, "Well who naps on the fourth of July, GF?"
Uh, someone who's been working 40 hours on 4 hours of sleep that's who!
Anyway, now that I'm up, I figured what best thing to do than bore me and the other two souls that read this blog with a late night ranty rambling of blogginess.
What can I tell you?
The three sodas...yeah, not my best life choices. I wont even tell you about the other junkfood and amount of messiness I parktook in today. Will say this though...tomorrow afternoon, I have a huge date with the vaccume, some lemon pledge, and the maytag people.
What else?
Well, I haven't seen my BF in three days. Yes, three days.
And no, we haven't had a fight or anything. He's not in jail and he's not living a double life. He's just away I guess.
Actually, it's just something that's been happening more often now that we live minutes away from each other and something that probably happens to all people when they've been together a long ass time.
(If he's not "too tired" he's out with "his friends" or "caught up with a game")
I think I saw and heard more of him when we lived in different time zones, but go figure.
I also don't make any efforts to bother him or research into his whereabouts during these times of "disappearing".
I dunno, but I feel weird calling people and questioning them.
I have a few theories about this too:
1.) I'm a jerk who lives in the world of "I'm a girl and he should call me. He is the male hunter. He should do the hunting."
2.) I know where he is. Not that I have actual evidence per say, but I know, you know.
The knowledge that comes with that ever boring stage of the coupledom. Gone are the days of the newly and hyper neurotic jealous crazy girlfriend who requires constant and detailed updates. TwitterGF I am not.
Gone are the days of the BF who calls everyhour to tell you he loves you more with each passing moment.
These are the days of the BF who calls to tell you he needs you to pick him up his mail and some rolaids.
3.)Maybe he is a little peeved at me bringing up a few things the other day. I have a tendency to not edit my opinions in the best of ways. A high school teacher once said to me, "GF you don't pull punches do you? You just say stuff as you feel/think them, huh? I hope you never outgrow that."
That high school teacher was divorced and often remarked (be it jest or about literature) about how love was BS.
"You found your soulmate in 3rd period? This person lives down your street and knows all your friends?! WOW, talk about lucky lucky odds huh?" (She said so many things just dripping with sarcasm and cynicsm)
God I miss her.
Anyway I told my BF that he needs to get a job.
I've been bringing it up quite a bit actually. Specifically since he wants to buy things that are not within my budget.
His excuse for not working, was and has always been school, which I guess is an okay excuse for some people (mind you tons of people work, raise a family and go to school), but I don't see much of that going on either. It's not like all two or three classes he goes to take up every minute of his days.
I don't think I've ever actually seen him do a bit of homework either. Unless, jerking off, playing video games, and eating is all part of his master thesis...maybe it is.
He's not taking any courses during summer session either...
I dunno, I want to understand and be cool, but it's hard. It worries me, how little he knows about the value of things, and how he just feels entitled to stuff.
Sometimes I'm wowed and jealous even about the way he views things. I imagine his parents raised him to have a really great self image. (Now, he hasn't said this, and this is only something I've come up with from observing and living with him) But I pretty much get the notion that he thinks some things are simply beneath him.
Like he's too good for stuff.
He's too good to work.
Or maybe it's not even that, but that there is no need.
Need is a good fire.
He doesn't need to pay rent, he doesn't need to support a family, he doesn't even need to wash his own laundry (he has a maid).
Unless the job is, testing out mattresses for 1000 dollars an hour, I just don't see him budging.
And why should he?
He's from a well to do family. His family is fine with him living the life of a perpetual youth. Parents never view their kids as adults right?
His parents give him a daily allowance (what takes me two weeks to make, takes him one phonecall to mom or dad).
It bothers me that I'm bothered by this.
And we go about things in a completely non serious manner all the time...but it's a drag.
Me, "Why don't you get a job?"
Him, "Oh look at _____ (avoiding topic, changing subject).
Me, "If you don't get a job soon, I'm going to break up with you."
Him, "PFFTT, suuuuure you will. Hey look at this...."
Me, "I'm sleepy, I have to get up early tomorow for WORK."
Him, "I'm sleepy too..."
That's how it goes.
Might as well add it to the list of things I wont ask for anymore.
I'm done asking for sex.
I'm done asking for the remote.
and now I'm done asking him to look for work.
It doesn't even have to be full time or anything awesome either. Just something that means he's up for stuff.
I would take it as a sign of him respecting my respecting him.
Oh well it's safe thing too (or bad ass cop out for me anyway), because no matter how much my bf thinks there's a future with a house and kids and a little mailbox with the family name on it...as long as he's living the way he does, there is NO WAY I'm squeezing any of his kids or signing a lease with him.
NONE.
If he ever says things like, "lets move in"
All I have to say is, "get a job" and he changes the subject.
It's why I didn't move in with him when he lived in ______ , it's why I didn't go along with him when he said let's ________and it's why I wont move in with him now that he's in _________.
It's like I have a valid excuse to be uncommitted.
Should I ever do something rotten, I can always bring the "Get a job card" in this monopoly game we call "relationship"
God I"m a dick. I should sleep.
I'm less judgemental and picky when I get a few hours of zzzz's.
I'm WIDE AWAKE too.
I'm off ONE day and I'm already not making the best use of it (i,e catching up on the ever elusive sleep).
But I can't sleep.
I'm not sure if it's because I had three Coke Zeros in a span of 12 hours (Hey, I haven't had anything carbonated in months, I slipped alright), they made my food go down easier.
If it's the weather. (Summer is for doing stuff people. Summer is for staying up late.)
Or my own brain, keeping me up with all kinds of nonsense and noise.
I tried to nap earlier today, but I made the mistake of "announcing" that I was going to be out of commission for a while because I was going to be napping. (Yeah, I SMS people when I'm going to nap so as not to be disturbed)
It wasn't even ten minutes (and two minutes into that lulling into sandmanland phase), when someone decided to look for a book in my room and had to do so by just storming in and turning the lights on.
A book?!
Who reads on the fourth of July?
You might be saying, "Well who naps on the fourth of July, GF?"
Uh, someone who's been working 40 hours on 4 hours of sleep that's who!
Anyway, now that I'm up, I figured what best thing to do than bore me and the other two souls that read this blog with a late night ranty rambling of blogginess.
What can I tell you?
The three sodas...yeah, not my best life choices. I wont even tell you about the other junkfood and amount of messiness I parktook in today. Will say this though...tomorrow afternoon, I have a huge date with the vaccume, some lemon pledge, and the maytag people.
What else?
Well, I haven't seen my BF in three days. Yes, three days.
And no, we haven't had a fight or anything. He's not in jail and he's not living a double life. He's just away I guess.
Actually, it's just something that's been happening more often now that we live minutes away from each other and something that probably happens to all people when they've been together a long ass time.
(If he's not "too tired" he's out with "his friends" or "caught up with a game")
I think I saw and heard more of him when we lived in different time zones, but go figure.
I also don't make any efforts to bother him or research into his whereabouts during these times of "disappearing".
I dunno, but I feel weird calling people and questioning them.
I have a few theories about this too:
1.) I'm a jerk who lives in the world of "I'm a girl and he should call me. He is the male hunter. He should do the hunting."
2.) I know where he is. Not that I have actual evidence per say, but I know, you know.
The knowledge that comes with that ever boring stage of the coupledom. Gone are the days of the newly and hyper neurotic jealous crazy girlfriend who requires constant and detailed updates. TwitterGF I am not.
Gone are the days of the BF who calls everyhour to tell you he loves you more with each passing moment.
These are the days of the BF who calls to tell you he needs you to pick him up his mail and some rolaids.
3.)Maybe he is a little peeved at me bringing up a few things the other day. I have a tendency to not edit my opinions in the best of ways. A high school teacher once said to me, "GF you don't pull punches do you? You just say stuff as you feel/think them, huh? I hope you never outgrow that."
That high school teacher was divorced and often remarked (be it jest or about literature) about how love was BS.
"You found your soulmate in 3rd period? This person lives down your street and knows all your friends?! WOW, talk about lucky lucky odds huh?" (She said so many things just dripping with sarcasm and cynicsm)
God I miss her.
Anyway I told my BF that he needs to get a job.
I've been bringing it up quite a bit actually. Specifically since he wants to buy things that are not within my budget.
His excuse for not working, was and has always been school, which I guess is an okay excuse for some people (mind you tons of people work, raise a family and go to school), but I don't see much of that going on either. It's not like all two or three classes he goes to take up every minute of his days.
I don't think I've ever actually seen him do a bit of homework either. Unless, jerking off, playing video games, and eating is all part of his master thesis...maybe it is.
He's not taking any courses during summer session either...
I dunno, I want to understand and be cool, but it's hard. It worries me, how little he knows about the value of things, and how he just feels entitled to stuff.
Sometimes I'm wowed and jealous even about the way he views things. I imagine his parents raised him to have a really great self image. (Now, he hasn't said this, and this is only something I've come up with from observing and living with him) But I pretty much get the notion that he thinks some things are simply beneath him.
Like he's too good for stuff.
He's too good to work.
Or maybe it's not even that, but that there is no need.
Need is a good fire.
He doesn't need to pay rent, he doesn't need to support a family, he doesn't even need to wash his own laundry (he has a maid).
Unless the job is, testing out mattresses for 1000 dollars an hour, I just don't see him budging.
And why should he?
He's from a well to do family. His family is fine with him living the life of a perpetual youth. Parents never view their kids as adults right?
His parents give him a daily allowance (what takes me two weeks to make, takes him one phonecall to mom or dad).
It bothers me that I'm bothered by this.
And we go about things in a completely non serious manner all the time...but it's a drag.
Me, "Why don't you get a job?"
Him, "Oh look at _____ (avoiding topic, changing subject).
Me, "If you don't get a job soon, I'm going to break up with you."
Him, "PFFTT, suuuuure you will. Hey look at this...."
Me, "I'm sleepy, I have to get up early tomorow for WORK."
Him, "I'm sleepy too..."
That's how it goes.
Might as well add it to the list of things I wont ask for anymore.
I'm done asking for sex.
I'm done asking for the remote.
and now I'm done asking him to look for work.
It doesn't even have to be full time or anything awesome either. Just something that means he's up for stuff.
I would take it as a sign of him respecting my respecting him.
Oh well it's safe thing too (or bad ass cop out for me anyway), because no matter how much my bf thinks there's a future with a house and kids and a little mailbox with the family name on it...as long as he's living the way he does, there is NO WAY I'm squeezing any of his kids or signing a lease with him.
NONE.
If he ever says things like, "lets move in"
All I have to say is, "get a job" and he changes the subject.
It's why I didn't move in with him when he lived in ______ , it's why I didn't go along with him when he said let's ________and it's why I wont move in with him now that he's in _________.
It's like I have a valid excuse to be uncommitted.
Should I ever do something rotten, I can always bring the "Get a job card" in this monopoly game we call "relationship"
God I"m a dick. I should sleep.
I'm less judgemental and picky when I get a few hours of zzzz's.
3 comments:
Sorry I got behind on your journal, I missed seeing this entry before.
One thing I learned at a fairly young age is that the only things you have that matter are the things you earned on your own. He's showing his lack of maturity by not wanting to do any more than he has to, does he even have things that drive him or fascinate him or does he just sort of bob through life like a bottle floating on a lake? Going wherever the winds and currents take him, in no hurry and with no purpose or direction?
His lack of ambition, apparently even extending to his sex drive, indicate that he seems to be rather blase about the things in his life. How awful must it be to not have anything that drives him! Life should be lived, he's letting it pass him by.
So GF, have you been lying to us? No sex, dissatisfied with the trajectory of partner's career path, generally in separate universes -- are you sure you are not already married to this guy?
If I am, then I really got gypped on the ring, and I'm a pretty terrible wife.
I don't mend his socks, I don't prepare his supper...I don't even dislike his mother.
I love his mother. I'm pretty much doing the anti-of antiest wife things with that alone...
Career GF all the way!
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