RSVP? GOD NO

Maybe I've mentioned this, maybe I haven't, but I hate people

Okay hate is a strong word and hating on some people would require me to have a reason for hating them. It would require me having to know them or of them. (BTW: People who I do love--I LOVE tremendously. If you want crazy loyal on your side, look no further than here--oh sure getting me there is going to be a task, and getting rid of me...well...moving along)

I should probably reword myself and say, I don't really like many people or that I don't put myself in situations where I'd have to hang out with them unless it is absolutely necessary.

Work being a place.

They(people) are there and I am paid to be there as well. Ergo, I'm stuck hanging out with those people in those hours that-- did I mention I'm paid for?

Well, I'm not a complete dick bastard in that I tell these people I only put up with them because I am getting paid.

Sure I should. Honesty is the best policy. But how many honest people make a living?

At any rate,I'm polite. I'm cordial. I even help them out if they need it.

I'm so darn nice, that when asked about me, I would easily bet that people only have nice things to say about me(because that too--while I'm not a fan of all, I do want to be liked--go figure).

What I don't do?
I don't do the "get involved thing".
Well not unless they are hot guys...but that's a WHOLE other story. ;)

Being involved right now, means that I don't listen to their problems.
I don't partake in the lunch room chit chat(Want to lose me instantly? Gossip. I hate it!), and I ESPECIALLY do NOT go to their after work parties.

I don't even go to the work parties.

I think they assume I have the worst luck in that I always catch some terrible disease or some relative catches said diseases that keep me from attendance.

Word on the street is that there are a number of "get togethers" in the works. All week I've been a ninja. Doing my best to go in and out of the office unnoticed by "the girls."

One of them is getting married in a few months and has a bridal party invition with my reluctant name right on it.

A little backstory: the soon to be bride (who I refer to "Whoreface" in my mental monologues) has been trying to get me to double date, or visit or do anything with her crowd for months. She's a whoreface because her face is like that of a whore, and I don't like her because she has a lovely bf whom I assume she kind of does wrong. (She talks terrible about him , fights on company time with and often flirts with the guys at office--it's gross take my word for it).

Anyway, because she's young and possibly stupid...she wants to hang out with me.
The play we'd have that flushes int my head shows up and plays out like this:

Me,"Look at us. Look! Do we look we really would ever have anything in common?"

Holding an arrow to my face. "See?"
Holding an arrow to her face: "You. You have a whoreface!"
Pointing it back to me, "I don't. See. Eh?"
"Whoreface vs. nonwhore face. It's two different worlds!"

Well whoreface with powers beyond anything I can fathom manages to surprise attack me with an invitation in the parking lot.

"You have to come to my bachelorette party! It's going to be soooo much fun. Free drinks. Free everything...OH!!!"
She pauses and extends this other tidbit of info on me as if it's going to sweeten the deal for me (like she thinks she knows me)
Wide eyed and with a mouth open to something whorey she blurts,
"We're going to _______'s!"

________'s is as you can imagine a strip joint , or rather a company that lets you rent strippers( a cheesy rip off version of Chippendales and crazy horse or whatever the places with the male stripper thing). They have a club, but if you're willing to pay more, they send some dancers to your party.

Yes, CLAAAAA SSSSY.

I hate brides and the whole pre bride lets go crazy party thing, and don't think it's because I'm bitter or jealous and anti marriage (which I'm not entirely.) I just hate the BS.

Think about it: yeah, what a lovely tradition--I'm going to honor my love in front of everyone we care about, I'm going to commit myself to this union in the eyes of god and world BUT before I do all that I'm going to get blind drunk and maybe get laid with some random stranger.

More than anything:

I FUCKING HATE STRIP ANYTHINGS!
( I have a number of insecure reasons as to why I hate strip clubs--those of which I wont get into on this post yet)

Eh sure, more than the usual fare of strip clubs, I really hate chick strip clubs.

(80s films and shows where girls "just wanna have fun" were lies. The life you showed me as a child...LIES)

I don't understand how guys looking at ladies=wrong (degrading to women)and sad,("Eww, those men at these places are such losers, they're disgusting, etc etc"), but women looking at men=hilarious and fun-empowering?

Ladies, you're just as sad and disgusting. Maybe worse.

That whole thing where women should do everything men do, is crap.
How is that making it better or equal?

Wouldn't better mean, you'd not stoop to that level?
Okay, maybe later with the feministing...

So yeah, the last thing I want to do in the entire whole free world is sit with a bunch of whorey chicks in a room with oiled up hot naked guys shaking and grinding their junk at me.

It's gay!

And I'm not putting gays down (I love the gays), I'm saying the word gay as in, it's gay that I'd be looking at stuff with ladies I'd rather not look at things with.

But okay let's look at this.
1.) I don't like these people. Hanging out with people you don't like is hypocritical and lame. Gay.
The GF doesn't play that. What's the fun in that?
What's the fun in me hanging out with an element I'm not comfortable with (whorefaces)?

2.) Looking at stuff that's supposed to be "titillating" with people of your same gender=gay.
Call me old fashion, but if you're trying to get a boner and you're getting said boner with other boners you are a gay.
If I want to get a boner I'm going to get one on my own. If anyone is going to be in that room with me and said boner it's because something is going on. Something private.
I want to look at in my own private time with my own private ideas, with a good likeliness that I will get to know privately.
Yeah yeah, I'm repeating myself, but I think that point has to be made doubly.

Maybe some people are comfortable enough with the sharing. Maybe some people get off on that, and bless 'em. Whatever that's there thing.
It's not mine.

Do I want to be in a crowd of screaming sex starved ladies attacking and subjectang some poor college tution owing guy?

Anyway, I only find nudity erotic if I have a chance at it.
If you're shaking your money maker at me, it's probably because I will be able to touch said money.

Not that I don't often look at stuff (and I do), but ugghh...

I'll do that on my own thanks. I don't need your support hollars.

Hmm...and now I've lost the point I was going to make.

SEE!

So yeah, I don't wanna go to such parties.
They are gross.

Look:

If this is you, you're gross and stupid.

I guess that was my point.

RSVP?

Only if it means:
Rather
Suck
Veiny
Penis

Oh it doesn't?
Then, Bah!!!

But, thanks for asking and please don't hate me. Okay, thanks, later. :)